Archive for May, 2005

Three for Three

Posted by NosferatusCoffin | May 7th, 2005

With Tony Blair’s victory in this week’s British elections, the main players in the War Coalition have shown the world that their voters and countrymen support them wholeheartedly. And want to see the Satan-inspired Islamo-fascist band of terror wiped from the face of the Earth.

First, John Howard won a resounding victory last Fall in Australia. George Bush then collects more votes then any President in American history. And now Blair wins with a solid vote total and with the election of more Tories to the British Parliement, Blair will have an easier time keeping and expanding support for the British role in the War on Terrorism effort.

Just chalk up one more defeat for the Terrorist Left of the US, led by the likes of the traitorous Michael (Osama) Moore and George "Drug Runner" Soros and their allies across the world, such as Kofi Annan and his band of Oil-for-Saddam’s WMDs thieves, thugs and plaid hood wearing baby-killers.

It is a good day, today.

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Casting Call for Peter

Posted by NosferatusCoffin | May 2nd, 2005

So now there is now a Help Wanted ad for a John C. Holmes wannabe to put his “little buddy” in a cast and vicariously give women jollies through what God endowed him with.

All I can say is that I wonder if Hillary would want one that is double-edged on both sides. On the other hand, most of the women she hangs out with probably carry that in their purses or area anyway.

Wanted: model man for new dildo

April 30 2005 at 01:56PM

By Noor-Jehan Yoro Badat

First we cloned Dolly, now Willy. A cast kit with the name Clone-a-Willy is available on the Internet and is needed to enter a competition that promises to rock women's worlds and give the winner a head start.

According to the British tabloid Sun newspaper, "the hunt is on for the fella with the perfect manhood – to model for a new sex aid".

“Blokes who reckon they measure up will have to take a cast of their pride and joy at home, then send it to bosses at the sex shop chain Hustler Hollywood to be judged.”

“The only time I’d ever put my penis in plaster … would be if it was broken, like one’s arm”

The winning entry, writes the paper, will be "the model for a series of battery-powered rubber replicas that may find their way into thousands of women’s bedrooms".

The Rest of the Story

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Fox Caught Outside of the Hen House

Posted by NosferatusCoffin | May 1st, 2005

Note: This was originally posted on December 17, 2003 via my old blog. I figured I would post it here again to both dovetail with the story mentioned above as well as to show in retrospect how the Dems are still behaving in their typical “Party of No” fashion. Some things just never change.

Sometimes, life throws a curve at you when you least expect it. That is certainly the case when it comes to the modern day Democrat Party and the capture of Saddam Hussein. The site of Saddam being captured in a fox hole that is not much larger then your usual Motel 6 room is a perfect metaphor for where the Democrats now find themselves politically. (Seeing that Saddam also had several cans of Spam with him also shows that both he and the Democrats are fond of pork). For the last 12+ months, they have been preaching a steady chorus of Armageddon regarding the war on Iraq. First they demanded that the United Nations inspectors needed “more time” to find any “proof” of WMD’s. (Funny how they seemed to exist when Saddam was using them on the Kurds, Iranians and the Shias from the late 80’s until the early 90’s). When the inspectors came back home, with their tail between their legs for a second time, the same carping class demanded yet another U.N. “resolution”. As is usual for cowards and war profiteers trying to hide their filthy lucre, the Russians, Germans and those paragons of virtue, the French, balked. Finally, after cajoling and babysitting this kleptocracy of tryants and spaghetti spined nations, our President finally said "To hell with these people" and forged a true coalition with true partners in the War on Terror.

What was next? Why, of course, the predictions of another Vietnam quagmire, with bodybags coming back to the U.S. in assembly line fashion. (These liberals seem to have a fascination with bodybags. Maybe it is a retro 60’s thing, like beanbag chairs or inflatable furniture). These people seemed to be counting on mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends and co-workers to be attending mass funerals on a daily basis, thereby satisfying their own strange tastes for the site of dead American soldiers. rnrnWhen this did not happen, ("Curses! Foiled again!"), they, without missing a beat, then annointed themselves as instant military experts, critisizing every aspect of the campaign strategy. From the amount of troops in the field, to the tactics used to gain important Southern cities, to using trained dolphins to clear mines, everything about the war was going “wrong”. Who can forget their absolute “horror”at the “operational pause” of about 36-48 hours when the bulk of our fighting forces stopped advancing because of a series of sandstorms?

You would have thought that this was D-Day all over again and those soldiers just decided to stop about 30 yards short of Omaha Beach for a quick dog-paddle and dip. Their other “predictions”, of course, came no closer to coming to fruition. The massive chemical attacks by the Republican Guard (who were obviously out to break the Guiness Book of World Records for the fastest surrender ever recorded, thereby knocking the French Army from the top spot), the house-to-house fighting that would be needed to take Baghdad and of course, the “anger of the Arab street” that our troops would not be welcome and would be seen as conquerers and not liberators. I would guess that for every anti-war protestor here in the United States, there were 100 Iraqis glad to see their food warehouses bulge with food and have clean water to drink, not to mention the tons of candy given out to the children.

Of course, the seminal moment came in early April when Saddam’s statues started falling over, left and right, city by city, like Ted Kennedy walking home from the bar on an icy night. After seeing the dancing and celebrating Iraqis, those same liberals must have felt like their teams had just lost the Super Bowl, World Series and Stanley Cup. However, as is the case with these people, they just get right back up and find something to bray about. (So fitting that their party symbol is a donkey). As the major hostilities wound down and a provisional government was setup, along with nearly 100 local councils, they seized upon and all attacks, small or not, on coalition forces by the local Arab Nations Rent-A-Bomber. (To say business was booming is not quite an understatement). From the earliest of these attacks to the present day ones still going on, they have come full circle and afain are trying “Vietnamize” this war effort. As a trusty sidearm weapon, they also continued their steady bellowing chorus of “Where is Saddam?”, “Where is Osama?”, “If we do not capture Saddam this war was a total failure!”. etc etc, ad nauseum.

So, when early on Sunday morning, December 14, it was announced Saddam had been captured, (and wanted to negoiate, so much for the Arab version of the “Maximum Leader”), I am sure that the stockpiles of Tums, Roll-Aids and Mylanta in liberal medicine cabinets fell by about 98%. Their "Ace in the hole" (pun intended) was now captured, looking little more than what Jerry Garcia would look like if human cloning were possible today.rnrnWhat next? Well, there is always Osama, and his whereabouts. (Personally, I think he was vaporized two years ago in Tora Bora).

However, without definite proof of his death, these same liberals will continue with their “grassy knoll” theories on the one hand and screaming “Failure” so many times that their throats will be as a raw as Dean Matrin’s after a night of clubbing.

I almost pity whoever the Democractic nominee will be in 2004. The party’s strikeout percentage is at 1.000 and I have not even talked about the economy yet.

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